Will "pro-life" advocates helps support the Suleman octuplets?

Nadya Suleman, single mother of six who recently gave birth to the longest surviving octuplets, has said that she decided to have so many embryos implanted so they wouldn't be destroyed. The "culture of life", which claims that an embryo at any stage of development, or even a morula is equivalent to a baby, should get some of the blame for this mess (obviously Suleman and her doctor are responsible as well).

For some reason, I haven't seen any pro-life organization stepping up to provide any kind of support, moral or financial, for Nadya Suleman's family, who exist because of Suleman's pro-life ideals. Pro-Life News currently has only one article about Suleman, and it's a call for greater regulation of fertility treatments to prevent families like Suleman's.

The pro-lifers I have seen commenting on Suleman take issue with her not having a father on the scene. So what, they think that the embryos of single women aren't babies? (And before anyone claims that single women shouldn't conceive: she was married when they were conceived.)

Good news, bad news on Noellee Mowatt case

Here's the latest on the Noellee Mowatt case. I wrote earlier about Mowatt's plight: after calling the police because her boyfriend was abusing her, she was jailed, while 9 months pregnant, to make sure she would show up at his trial to testify against him.

The good news: she appeared in court today and testified, which means that she was released from jail (on bail though--why? Who is the criminal here?)

The bad news: she recanted her earlier report of his abuse. This is common in domestic violence cases. Hopefully the courts understand that this does not prove Christopher Harbin is innocent, but given the inept handling of Noellee Mowatt's case so far, I am not optimistic.

Earlier, as she reported that "she was punched, kicked in the side, strangled, had her lips squeezed together hard when she tried to speak, and was 'chopped' in the foot when Harbin swung a knife at her to back up a threat but accidentally sliced her big toe." She also reported that he masturbated in front of her despite knowing that it upset her and was verbally abusive.

I hope that Mowatt's birth goes well and that she and her baby find a safe living situation.

Free Noellee Mowatt

Noellee Mowatt, 19, is due to give birth to her second child April 15. In December, she called police to report that her boyfriend, Christopher Harbin, was abusing her. What does our so-called "justice" system do?

They put her in jail.

Mowatt, who is not charged with anything, is being held in a jail cell at Vanier Centre for Women in Milton, to make sure that she shows up to testify at her boyfriend's trial. According to her lawyer, Lydia Riva, "She's contracted the flu since she's been in jail. She already had to seek medical attention. [...] She's obviously stressed out and concerned about her pregnancy. She's afraid to have her baby in custody."

Why is this poor woman, who obviously has enough stress in her life already between raising two young children and coping with an abusive boyfriend, being victimized by the justice system, which should be protecting her?

If Noellee Mowatt was 30, and married, would she be treated so appallingly badly in these circumstances?

Blaming mother

As a single mom, not by choice, it has long irked me the way the media constantly blather about the problems suffered by children of single mothers, as though it is the mothers who are lacking, and not the fathers who abandoned their responsibilities in the first place.

For example, I recently attempted to read The Wonder of Boys by Michael Gurian, a book about parenting boys which apparently is intended for families in some parallel universe, where the chief problem experienced by boys is that they expected to act like (stereotypical) girls. (The solution is to accept their stereotypical boy qualities. Of course this doesn't seem to have much application for the universe I live in, where stereotypical boy qualities are not just accepted, they are often forced onto boys, and woe betide the boy who is sensitive, or likes ballet, or otherwise transgresses against the "boy code", as Elaine Aron put it.)

Gurian tries to be nice to us poor single moms, but his attitude is, sorry ladies, you haven't got what it takes. No where (as far as I can tell; I didn't finish the book) does he take the absent fathers to task for their actions (or inaction) which affect their children.

Of course, Gurian's approach is pretty standard these days. But CTV reached a new nadir today in mother blaming.

On March 6, Alnoor Amarsi threw his daugher Inara off a bridge before jumping after her to his death. Incredibly, Inara survived, though she is still in critical condition. In his suicide notes, he said he was going to kill Inara because he hated his estranged wife, Shamsha Amarsi.

To me, it's pretty obvious which is the problem parent here (duh). But evidently not to someone on the CTV.ca news staff, who wrote:

Earlier this month, CTV News Toronto reported that the incident started when the 48-year-old man asked his estranged wife for more time with their daughter.
She said no. That appeared to trigger the tragic chain of events—one which he had apparently threatened before.

Ah. So despite appearances, it was mom's fault that Inara was dropped off a bridge. I guess she shouldn't have selfishly refused to let dad spend more time with the kid. So what if he had already threatened to kill Inara before? Fathers have rights, you know.

Babies who love too much

The other day, I was reading an article by another single mom about her son's infancy. She described waking up in bed with him, and how he gazed at her as if she were bliss personified.

My glow at remembering those own heady days when Nick was a baby were shortllived. The author concluded that her son was getting too attached to her, and that if she didn't get him out of her bed now (aged 6 months), she would be sleeping with an 18 year old! Her solution to the imagined problem was to force him to sleep alone, and ignore his heartrending cries.

I do not want to seem like I am trashing this mom, because I think this is a typical fear in our society. Indeed, I myself wondered at times if Nicky and I were too close. It is clear that she acted in what she thought was his best interests in pushing him to be more independent, even though it was something of a sacrifice for her.

Isn't our species messed up? What other mammal expects its infants to sleep alone? A six month old human cannot be independent--he is utterly dependent on adults for all of his needs. Does a mother lion or bear worry that her cubs are not independent enough when they are so little that they need to snuggle up to her at night? Do lions and bears grow up to be sissies?

When Nick was around 5 months old, I attempted to participate in a mothers' support group. The babies were expected to spend an hour and a half in the childcare room down the hall, which met all official guidelines, etc etc. Nicky was confused the first time we went. The second time, he had to be brought to me a couple of times. The third time, he freaked, screaming so loudly that everyone came out of their offices to see what was wrong.

The experts who ran the programme assured me that he would get used to it, that this stress now would prepare him for stress later on, he needed to be more independent, yadda yadda. It was obvious to me they were wrong. Nick was not getting used to it; he was getting more and more distressed each time we went there. He was clearly not ready to spend that time apart from me at such a tender age.

We didn't go back to that group.

Was Nick somehow harmed by my not forcing him to be more independent? Hardly. At 18 months, he was ready to enjoy a whole day at his daddy's house, by two he could handle me going out in the evening (which means bedtime without me and my magic sleep-inducing milk) and now he is taking a dance class with big kids (4 year olds)!

Why do we have so little faith that our babies will grow up? Why do we see intimacy, nurturing, and responding to our babies' needs as damaging rather than wholesome? Maybe it's the whole no pain, no gain idea - if the child is getting what he wants rather than screaming with despair, he won't learn what the "real world" is like.

I like to think that by letting Nick move to independence at his own pace, he will be more self-confident (by having success the first time he tries, rather than the difficulties that come from trying before he is ready), and that he will learn that he, and other people, deserve to be treated with respect.